Ok, I did it! I stepped on the scale and did it. I didn't even hide my eyes this time. I just looked straight down at the digital screen and saw the number. There was no more hiding. I made a commitment to myself, that this time, I would stick to it ans fight for what I need. The best way to begin would be honesty.
I need to be honest with myself about my unhealthy ways and drastic weight gains. About my excuses and blame and guilt that i carry with me. My reasons for allowing myself to get this bad. I've unveiled them. Simply by excepting the truth. Not only the truth about my weight gain but the issues they cover. Poor self-esteem, inadequacies as a wife, leading to a failed marriage, there's more but I'm not ready to lay them out for you to pick me apart. Since we're just getting to know each other. :-)
When I got on the scale the number 185 came to mind. In the past three years, I have not risen above 185. So my mind was made up, that was the number. No more no less. My clothes fit me like i was 185. Or so i thought. Boy was I surprised when i stepped on the scale and saw 189 pounds!
How? How did i get this bad...SMHP (Shaking My Head Profusely) I couldn't understand it but I had to except it. The late night piece of quiet that would leave me on intimate dates with my fridge. Or the sleepiness at work that would lead to a snicker bar Rendezvous at the vending machine. Or how about, the midterm anxiety that caused me to eat three dinner helpings. Such nonsense, that's how.
I can no longer beat myself up, there's too much work to do. So much mending and repair. I'm ready. Are you riding with me?
The goal is to lose fifty pounds Leaving me at a decent 139 pounds. I'll weigh in weekly, so expect my updates, and I'll blog frequently so expect my successes and downfalls. I'll need you, so expect my honesty.
11:30 pm and I've downed two glasses of water and a vitamin. Bed time it is...
We'll talk
Love 2quared
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